My husband and I have been trying for a baby since May 2011. We were married in 2007 but had no serious desire to have children for several years as we were focused on building our careers, saving money and travelling. For 4 years, we put our plans to have children on hold whilst we pursued what we thought could bring us happiness. We were wrong.
I was naive to think that I could get pregnant the very first time we tried (I thought I was full of faith...)! So you can imagine my utter horror and deep disappointment when I didn't. The feeling was compounded month after month. And then the desire to have a baby became a sort of desperation. What can I do to have a baby? Should I exercise more? Eat some miracle herbal concoction? (We didn't.)
After that, waves of guilt and condemnation hit us. Was it something we did? Was it something we didn't do? Was it because we waited too long? Then fear came in. Is there something wrong with my body? Should we have a medical checkup?
It was all very draining and I was beginning to lose faith. I was on the fast track to rejecting all that I believed in.
That's why I'm so grateful that I am sitting under Pastor Joseph Prince's ministry because he constantly reminds us of God's goodness and mercy. The verses that lifted me up during this time are:
Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Isaiah 53: 4-5 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
I thank God that I am well fed and shepherded in New Creation Church during this period of my life because the truth of His word has given me life and hope. This period of waiting and trusting in His plans for me is quite possibly one of the hardest times of my life. Yet, it is also a time where I drew closer to Jesus and my husband. Our marriage became stronger, our love intensified and our perspective on life changed radically.
I know that Jesus is on this journey with us and He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He has comforted me and loved me during my time of weakness and doubt and He has shown me that no matter what, I have the best thing in this life: a relationship with the Living God.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
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