My Journey into Motherhood: God answers prayers

After a hiatus of more than a year... here I am again.

Except I have a new title to add to my list of wife, daughter, sister. It is a title I will always always treasure and will never ever take for granted. Mummy.

Yes, from the last time I blogged in April 2013, I miraculously got pregnant and welcomed my daughter into the world in March this year.

I've been inspired to start blogging again because I want to remember all the miracles that has happened and is happening to me. I want to remember all these moments when I'm old and be able to share them with my daughter. And I want to share my story if it even inspires and encourages one person who is going through what I went through. To share that there is a God, that He listens to your cries, that He will fulfill your desires because He is a good God.

Now when I say I miraculously got pregnant, I did MIRACULOUSLY got pregnant. At the last update, I was waiting for my private healthcare provider to get back to me on whether I will be covered for the laparoscopy procedure. They replied no as I had to go through a 12 month waiting period. So whilst I was waiting for their reply, I got a job as a Business Manager in a car showroom (more on that in another post) and I started work in May. So for a few months I didn't have the time to really pursue the path of the laparoscopy and since I had to wait until November to start on IVF anyway, I just concentrated on my new job.

Shortly after I started work, sometime in July, I found myself a little confused as to when my last period was. You see, I was so sick and tired of counting the days of ovulation etc, that I just could not be bothered for the month of June/July. I was kinda busy with my new job as well. So I waited a couple of weeks to be sure that my period was indeed late before I told my husband. One fine morning (should be a Saturday as we have a video of us looking at the pregnancy test in bed), I did a pregnancy test using a home kit... and for the first time in my life... there were 2 solid lines!! We did another 3 tests just to be sure!

I wished I had recorded how I felt exactly because now it's all a bit fuzzy... but suffice to say that I was really really really really happy.

It was especially sweet because I was not taking any medication and I did not conceive her through any procedure. My baby was conceived supernaturally... despite the fact that I was 36 years old, despite the fact that I had one ovary and despite the fact that I had a small cervix.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God. It has His fingerprints all over it.

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. 

1 Samuel 1:27

My Journey into Motherhood: Update on the costs of tests

So here's the breakdown of the total amount I spent after Medicare refunds.

1st Consultation: A$185 - A$72.75 = A$112.25

PAP Smear: A$35 (not covered by Medicare cos it's a more thorough check called Thinprep) 

Ultrasound: A$250 - A$83.30 = A$166.70

Follow up Consultation: A$85 - A$36.55 = A$48.45

Blood test: Bulk Billed (FREE)

Sperm test: Bulk Billed (FREE)

Total Paid for checks & consultation = A$362.40

So considering that in Singapore, the sperm test cost S$60 and each ultrasound at S$150 with normal follow up consultation costing S$60, it doesn't really seem like the Aussie system is any cheaper!!

However, I do think that the doctors I went to for the consultation as well as the ultrasound were very professional and thorough. They really tried to explain what is going on and what they are looking for in each check. 

Praise God that all my tests came back normal with the exception of my iron levels being a little low. I've been taking iron pills for about 3 weeks now so I'm feeling more energized. I'd probably stop once my supply runs out in a week and then go for another test to see if my iron levels have come up to normal since. I've also been trying to increase my intake of beef & spinach! 

At the follow up consultation, my gynae advised that I go through a laparoscopy to check for endometrosis or scar tissue, if any. I was really hesitant to undergo a surgery to check for something which may not even be there. So I went back to my GP to ask for a referral to another gynae for a 2nd opinion but his advice to me was that it is a common procedure and it is likely that the next doctor would also recommend the same procedure as the next step. And I would have unnecessarily paid for another consultation! 

The out of pocket expense (after Medicare refunds) will be around A$1100. So I'm pending my private health insurance company to get back to me as to whether they will be covering the A$1100 since it is a day surgery. But even if it's not covered, I've sort of decided to go ahead with it. Especially since my private health insurance only covers IVF procedures from November onwards so I still have a good 8 months to go before I go on to the next step. 

Of course I still believe that Jesus will come through and my babies are on their way!! I was meditating on this verse this morning:

Be strong and of good courage; 

do not fear nor be afraid of them, 

for the Lord your God, 

He is the One who goes with you, 

and He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

My Journey into Motherhood: 1st consultation with Aussie Gynaecologist

Just went for my very first appointment with a gynaecologist recommended by my friend. This gynae is an Aussie Asian and he's very different from my Singaporean gynae. He is totally cool and calm and talked a lot about Asian food (probably cos I'm new to Melbourne and he's worried that I don't know all the good restaurants here). He offers his advice and opinion in a straightforward and non-judgemental manner which is what I prefer.

Things work so differently here in Australia! To see him, I had to go and see a GP at my neighbourhood clinic to get a referral letter. The good thing is, with a Medicare card, my visit to the GP was free!

However, the consultation with the gynae was A$185 (paid upfront by cash/eftpos/cheque) and after that I went to Medicare to claim back A$72.75 which will be credited to my bank account in a few days. So I paid $112.25 out of pocket expense for the consultation.

Now compare this to my Singaporen gynae's consultation fee of S$65, it seems quite atrocious to be charged DOUBLE here in Australia. However, that's balanced by the fact that some of the tests (see below) are FREE so in the end, I would have paid more if in Singapore.

My Aussie gynae was mildly surprised that I've not been given a blood test (although from what he told me about why a blood test was so important, I was utterly shocked not to have been given one!) nor a PAP smear in the time I went to see my Singaporean gynae. So he immediately ordered for those as well as an ultrasound at another clinic. The doctor told me that the PAP smear costs about A$35 but it wasn't included in the bill when I paid so maybe I have to pay for it when the results come in. The blood test was indicated as "bulk billed" so I don't have to pay for that!

When I made my appointment for the ultrasound, I was informed that I'll have to pay A$250 upfront but can claim a part of it from Medicare. Will update how much out of pocket expense for the ultrasound.

I've a follow up appointment with my gynae at the end of this month, by then all the test results should be in, so hopefully he can make some recommendations! Even more than that, I hope that I'll be pregnant by then!!!

My hope is in my Lord Jesus!

My Journey into Motherhood: Encouragement from Nerida Walker

In 2011, I attended a mid week service at New Creation Church where Nerida Walker was preaching.

Hers is a  tremendously inspiring story of how God came through for her husband and her even though the doctors pronounced her husband as clinically sterile. I was very encouraged by her testimony and I've been following her on twitter since. A couple I know from church gave me her book "God's Plan for Pregnancy"and I was really blessed by it! The other book which I highly recommend is Jackie Mize's Supernatural Childbirth.

As I re-embark on my journey, I took this morning to encourage myself in the Word and used one of Nerida's blog posts to remember that God always comes through for His children. Her blog is called Faith & Fertility and it really encouraged me as I read about the promises of God in the bible and all the women who waited on the Lord for their baby. Check out her most recent post "Answers for Infertility".

I'm so glad that I didn't mope around this morning or watched TV. Instead, I found my faith renewed as I saw that I am not the first woman who is waiting on the Lord for a baby. And like the women in the bible, I will not be disappointed because our God is faithful.

Going through the bible and reading about these women, I learnt that these women were always loved by their husbands, their first born are always sons and their sons are always used mightily by God. These women all felt shame and disgrace when they could not conceive, but when God gave them a child, He exceeded all their expectations. You see, all they wanted was a baby, but God gave them a champion, called to do great things for His people (eg Joseph, Samuel and John).

My faith is renewed and my heart strengthened because there is not once where God did not come through. He is always a God that fulfils His promises.

If you'd like someone to pray for you with regards to having a baby, you should definitely watch this youtube video that Nerida posted. I just put a hand over my womb and as I played the video, I agreed with whatever that she was speaking forth. Hope this encourages you as much as it encouraged me.

My favourite verse out of all the verses she listed on her blog is:

 

You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.

Psalm 128: 2 -3

My Journey into Motherhood: Dilatation

After the failed IUI procedure in July 2012, my doctor recommended that I undergo a dilatation as my cervix was too small (which was what the doctor who administered the HSG procedure told me as well) and hopefully the next round of IUI would be more successful.

My dilatation was scheduled on Day 8 of my cycle at 10.30am in the morning.

At 10.45am, I was injected with anti-nauseus/pain killer and told to rest.

At 11am, the doctor started the procedure which basically involved inserting a metal rod into my cervix and leaving it there for a while to enlarge my cervix. Before all that, there was the whole process of injecting a local anasthetic near my cervix and that was PAINFUL but it was quick (thanks to my very efficient doctor). After the injection, I was told to wait for the anasthetic to take effect.

About 15 minutes later, the doctor tried inserting the metal rod. Because I was under anasthesia, I hardly felt a thing. Although I felt no pain, my husband who was in the room with me told me (after the procedure was over) that there was a lot of blood. I think he nearly fainted...

After some effort, the doctor finally successfully inserted the metal rod and pronounced that my cervix was so small it was the size of a pinhole! Maybe the reason why its always easier to get pregnant after the first child is because the cervix has naturally enlarged and the passage way for the little guys has widened.

I rested for about half an hour with the rod inserted in my cervix before the doctor came and removed the rod. After which he said I can rest in the clinic for another 15 minutes. The entire procedure took about an hour and a half, including resting time.

After that I was spotting for the next 5 days but there was no pain. This was much easier than the HSG procedure!

The whole procedure cost us about USD$100.

We went for another round of IUI in September 2012 but it was again not successful. At the 2nd IUI attempt, my doctor prescribed a course of progesterone support which cost USD$150 for a box of 15 applicators. This is called the "pregnancy hormone"as it thickens and prepares the lining of the uterus which helps in the implantation of a fertilized egg. It's basically applied like a tampon applicator. Very easy and since the cost is relatively low (having paid a lot more for the entire IUI procedure), we felt that if it increases the chances of us getting pregnant, we were prepared to pay for it.

At that time, we already knew that we were coming to Melbourne so we've also informed my doctor who strongly recommended that we proceed to IVF in Melbourne. We decided then to take a break from it all and just settle into our new life before we consider our options. As mentioned, we've made an appointment to see a gynaecologist in Melbourne and we are looking forward to his recommendation.

My Journey into Motherhood: Super Ovulation + IUI

We laid off Clomid in June for the HSG procedure and we were a little hopeful to conceive naturally after that as we've read reports that the rate of conception increased in the 3 months after HSG.

However, that's not God's plan for us at that moment.

So we took the next step.

My gynae gave us some options regarding IUI which is essentially a procedure where sperm is inserted via a tube into the cervix so that the little guys are nearer the eggs. We felt this was the most natural procedure versus ICSI and IVF which requires the eggs to be extracted and some form of artificial fertilisation process. At this moment, we are not inclined to consider the other 2 options not just because it is CRAZY EXPENSIVE (at approximately US$12,000 per try) but because we just felt it was meddling too much with God's ways.

The 3 IUI options given are:

1. Natural IUI - to ovulate naturally whereby only 1 egg will be released, coupled with IUI
2. Clomid + IUI - to ovulate with the help of Clomid whereby 1-2 eggs will be released, coupled with IUI
3. Super Ovulation + IUI: to ovulate with the help of Clomid and 2 Gonal F injections whereby 2-3 eggs will be released, coupled with IUI

Weighing all things, we decided to go for the 3rd option as the chance of conception is the highest

I started my 5 day course of 50mg Clomid on Day 3 of my cycle and on Day 8, I had to go in to the clinic and check on the number & size of the follicles. I had 3 follicles in my left ovary and all was going according to plan :)

Next up:

This is basically to encourage the growth of the follicles to 18mm & above. The first jab was self administered at the clinic under the watchful eyes of the nurse. It hurt just a little when the needle went into the abdomen about an inch below the belly button. It hurt a little more when the solution was injected. Overall, it took less than 5 minutes for the injection.

I injected the 2nd dose myself in my bathroom on Day 10 of my cycle. Because of some fear, I felt the pain more intensely this time round.

I was supposed to go for a scan on Day 12 but as it fell on a Sunday, I went the following day. My 3 follicles were doing well and measured 16mm,18mm and 24mm. The gynae felt it was timely to perform the IUI the following day so he injected me with Pregnyl (5000IU) as my LH test was still negative that morning.

Day 14: IUI Day

Sperm sample was collected in the morning for washing.

About an hour later, the sample is ready to be inserted.

During the insertion, my gynae noticed that my cervix was too small and because of that the catheter could not be inserted inside the cervix so he just placed the sperm just outside my cervix. He advised that if we were not successful this time, he would have to do a cervix dilation the following month so that he could do a proper IUI.

The entire procedure was over in less than 10 minutes but I was told to rest there for as long as I wanted. In the end, I rested for a little over an hour before leaving the clinic.

Breakdown of the total cost:
Clomid (5 tabs): $14
2 Gonal F injections: US$166
Consultation:US$48
Pregnyl: US$70
Ultrasound:US$48
IUI: US$170
Total: US$516 (excluding the washing of sperm which was less than US$50)

After all is said & done, we put our hopes not on the procedure but on our unchanging Jesus.

For this is God, Our God forever and ever; He will be our guide Even to death.

Psalm 48:14

My Journey into Motherhood: HSG

We decided to go for the HSG test after 4 courses of Clomid as recommmended by the gynae.

HSG is short for Hysterosalpingogram and is "an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes performed after the injection of a contrast material". According to the brochure, it is used to examine women who have trouble becoming pregnant. The procedure is usually performed during the "lull" period  after menses and before ovulation.

My HSG test was scheduled on 22 June morning (which was Day 10 of my cycle) and I was taken off Clomid for the month which according to my gynae, is bacause it is not safe to conceive in the same month as the procedure. I was told to take 2 panadols in the morning of the procedure just in case it was "a little painful".

While the brochure provided explained the procedure, unfortunately, it didn't explain the amount of pain and discomfort :(

The overall experience the radiologist was not what I expected.

First of all, when I got to the x-ray department and told them I'm on Day 10 of my cycle, the nurse said she had to check with the radiologist if I could still go ahead with the procedure as they normally do the test no later than Day 8 of a cycle. Ok, I understand that my gynaecologist & radiologist are not from the same clinic and unlikely to have a long drawn discussion about my case but I was not going to lose one whole month just because of a technicality!!! I assured the nurse that we have not tried for the month so it was very unlikely that I was pregnant. She went back to the radiologist with this information and I was given the go ahead!

I was put in a hospital gown and brought to an x-ray room. Then, I was made to lie down on a operating bed(??) and then... the nurses started having a discussion as to whether my blood pressure should be taken before & after the procedure or throughout the procedure. The senior nurse was very indignant and insisted "No, I'm very sure it is throughout the procedure. You weren't at the briefing this morning!".

After everything has been set up, the radiologist came in and was immediately impatient with the nurses and scolded them for attempting to measure my blood pressure throughout! He was very short with them and kept verbally abusing them whilst I was lying there.

For the first 10 minutes, he tried to insert the catheter up my cervix but had some difficulty as he realised that my cervix was too small. He then asked for a smaller catheter whilst biting the nurses' heads off.

Although he was seriously nasty to the nurses, he explained the above to me in a very nice doctor-ly manner. But all I can think of is "get the freaking speculum off me!!!".

So the nurse came back in 5 minutes with the smaller catheter and thank God it was successfully inserted this time!

And then the toture begins... he slowly inserted the water-soluble contrast material into my cervix and here, I cannot explain the immense discomfort except that it's not just painful but truly one of the worst things I ever felt. I can literally feel the liquid bloating me up inside and all the while I was so tired from lifting my legs up (there were no leg holders so I held up my legs for the whole time). I think I was close to fainting at this point.

The only good thing about a HSG is that the results are immediate. In fact, as I was lying there about to pass out, the good radiologist said "look at the screen... you can see the entire left ovary but the right ovary is missing". So I explained that it's not missing, it was removed when I had a growth on it when I was about 12. He made me turn to the left and right a few times to take the images but this part was relatively fast.

And then it was over! I was told to put on my clothes and take a rest in the waiting area and come back an hour later for the x-ray so I could bring it to my gynae. Immediately after the HSG, I had some slight spotting and then for the rest of the day, it was just some clear discharge which was probably the dye coming out.

The HSG procedure costs around US$210 which included the fees of the radiologist and the cost of the catheter.

My gynae took a look at the x-ray and declared that all was well and there are no blockages in my left ovary! YAY!

After lunch, I went home to take a nap but there was still some pain on the right side of my stomach so I tool 2 panadol, cried a little (not from the pain but from self-pity which was pain induced) and fell asleep. During dinner, there was still some mild discomfort so I went to bed early. Thankfully, I was back to normal the next day and the bleeding stopped :)

AFTER the procedure, I read a little about HSG and some websites claim that it boosts fertility for a few months as the "debris" collected over the years are "flushed out" by the contrast material. Some people claimed that they got pregnant within the same month or the following month after the procedure. I don't think there are any scientifically proven claims and if it proves the same for me, I'll post a blog about it!

I'm grateful that the HSG result is positive and that we can proceed to the next step - IUI.

Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.

Jeremiah 33:3

My Journey into Motherhood: Clomid

So after 8 months of trying to get pregnant, we finally decided to see a gynaecologist in January this year. I guess we postponed this partly due to fear of what we might find out and partly due to blind faith (I thought that going to the gynae might indicate that somehow I have less faith)!

Because of our age (my suspicion) or the fact that we have been trying for 8 months (likely) or our desperation (most definitely), the doctor started me on a course of clomid immediately.

Now we didn't know anything about Clomid or any fertility treatment because we never thought we would have to think or know about it.  So after the visit to the gynae, my husband had to find out more about what clomid is, how it works, the benefits and side effects.   

Now, don't be worried about the side effects because Jesus has redeemed all the side effects on the Cross of Calvary.

From what I learnt on the internet, Clomid is not actually a type of fertility treatment. It really only induces ovulation so that if you ovulate regularly (every month one egg is released), Clomid will simply increase the number of eggs produced to 2 - 3 (hence the chances of having twins increased). I find it the least invasive since it's taken orally during the first few days of your period and the rest is really "as per normal".  The doctor also made me do a LH test to determine my most fertile date (I've never done it before so you can imagine just how ignorant I was!!). Clomid is also relatively cheaper than the other procedures and it cost us only about US$28 for 10 tablets of 50mg. The consultation fee was more expensive at around US$50.  

Here are some write-ups on Clomid:

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/clomid-and-ovulation.shtml

http://infertility.about.com/od/clomid/tp/clomid_information.htm

http://www.babymed.com/tools/clomid-ovulation-calculator

http://www.amazingpregnancy.com/pregnancy-articles/268.html

All in, we tried 4 courses of Clomid over the next 4 months. The doctor actually advised us to go for Clomid for 3 months and if unsuccessful, to proceed to the next step of going through a HSG and thereafter an IUI (more on that later). Because I was not prepared to take the next step, we decided to go for the fourth course in May. The doctor prescribed 1 pill (50mg) a day for 5 days in the first course and he doubled it for the next 3 courses. I've read that some doctors put their patients on Clomid for 6 months to a year but that's obviously not what my doctor had planned for me.  

Unfortunately, we were still not successful so we decided to take the doctor's advice and proceeded to the next step.

During this time I did go for some tests and checkups and praise God, the reports all came back good. There was a period of waiting for the test results to come back and during this time, we just kept partaking of the Holy Communion and clung on to His Word:

 Isaiah 53:4-5

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

And His Word proved true. It always does.

My Journey into Motherhood: Guilt, Condemnation & Fear

My husband and I have been trying for a baby since May 2011. We were married in 2007 but had no serious desire to have children for several years as we were focused on building our careers, saving money and travelling. For 4 years, we put our plans to have children on hold whilst we pursued what we thought could bring us happiness. We were wrong.  

I was naive to think that I could get pregnant the very first time we tried (I thought I was full of faith...)! So you can imagine my utter horror and deep disappointment when I didn't. The feeling was compounded month after month. And then the desire to have a baby became a sort of desperation. What can I do to have a baby? Should I exercise more? Eat some miracle herbal concoction? (We didn't.)

After that, waves of guilt and condemnation hit us. Was it something we did? Was it something we didn't do? Was it because we waited too long? Then fear came in. Is there something wrong with my body? Should we have a medical checkup?

It was all very draining and I was beginning to lose faith. I was on the fast track to rejecting all that I believed in. 

That's why I'm so grateful that I am sitting under Pastor Joseph Prince's ministry because he constantly reminds us of God's goodness and mercy. The verses that lifted me up during this time are: 

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Isaiah 53: 4-5 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

I thank God that I am well fed and shepherded in New Creation Church during this period of my life because the truth of His word has given me life and hope. This period of waiting and trusting in His plans for me is quite possibly one of the hardest times of my life. Yet, it is also a time where I drew closer to Jesus and  my husband. Our marriage became stronger, our love intensified and our perspective on life changed radically.

I know that Jesus is on this journey with us and He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He has comforted me and loved me during my time of weakness and doubt and He has shown me that no matter what, I have the best thing in this life: a relationship with the Living God.  

Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.