Letters to my daughter: Wee hours in the morning

My darling, its 5.19am and you are asleep in my arms after a feed and a change of nappy. Before you fell asleep, you stared straight into my eyes for a few minutes and I just loved our bonding.

I love the way you are so intense. You love looking (I should say staring) at daddy for a long time, this concentration is completely unique to a baby your age (you are now a little over 3 months old but you've been doing this since you were a couple of weeks old).

I don't want to put you down in your bassinet although its just next to me. I know its against what all the sleep training fanatics advise but I also know that time flies and you won't be so little for long and I just wanna treasure every moment that I get to carry you in my arms. Because one day you won't fall asleep on my breast anymore, one day you will sleep through the night and I'm gonna miss this.

So just to let you know that sometimes, in the wee hours of the morning (or night), I break all the sleep training rules because I want to.

Love,
Mummy

My Journey into Motherhood: God answers prayers

After a hiatus of more than a year... here I am again.

Except I have a new title to add to my list of wife, daughter, sister. It is a title I will always always treasure and will never ever take for granted. Mummy.

Yes, from the last time I blogged in April 2013, I miraculously got pregnant and welcomed my daughter into the world in March this year.

I've been inspired to start blogging again because I want to remember all the miracles that has happened and is happening to me. I want to remember all these moments when I'm old and be able to share them with my daughter. And I want to share my story if it even inspires and encourages one person who is going through what I went through. To share that there is a God, that He listens to your cries, that He will fulfill your desires because He is a good God.

Now when I say I miraculously got pregnant, I did MIRACULOUSLY got pregnant. At the last update, I was waiting for my private healthcare provider to get back to me on whether I will be covered for the laparoscopy procedure. They replied no as I had to go through a 12 month waiting period. So whilst I was waiting for their reply, I got a job as a Business Manager in a car showroom (more on that in another post) and I started work in May. So for a few months I didn't have the time to really pursue the path of the laparoscopy and since I had to wait until November to start on IVF anyway, I just concentrated on my new job.

Shortly after I started work, sometime in July, I found myself a little confused as to when my last period was. You see, I was so sick and tired of counting the days of ovulation etc, that I just could not be bothered for the month of June/July. I was kinda busy with my new job as well. So I waited a couple of weeks to be sure that my period was indeed late before I told my husband. One fine morning (should be a Saturday as we have a video of us looking at the pregnancy test in bed), I did a pregnancy test using a home kit... and for the first time in my life... there were 2 solid lines!! We did another 3 tests just to be sure!

I wished I had recorded how I felt exactly because now it's all a bit fuzzy... but suffice to say that I was really really really really happy.

It was especially sweet because I was not taking any medication and I did not conceive her through any procedure. My baby was conceived supernaturally... despite the fact that I was 36 years old, despite the fact that I had one ovary and despite the fact that I had a small cervix.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God. It has His fingerprints all over it.

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. 

1 Samuel 1:27

Planetshakers Conference 2013

Just some photos from the conference... the Holy Spirit moved in such a powerful way. His presence cannot be duplicated and when you sense it, it's like nothing you've ever experienced. It's not only about coming together for a huge praise and worship session, nor is it about the awesome word of God being preached (which I experienced in abundance during the conference btw). 

It's all about your spirit meeting with the eternal Spirit of God. The worship leaders and Pastors just create that atmosphere for you to meet God so that you will never be the same again. 

I felt so overwhelmed when God started to reveal things to me during the conference about the situations around me and what His will is for those situations. However, the climax was really on the last day, after Pastor Ben Prescott preached a powerful message "Under the influence" and the Holy Spirit fell on the congregation such that there were many people who were crying, laughing and some were slain. I was very curious and trying to observe what was going on (basically being a busybody) and then suddenly, I was just overwhelmed with a sense of His love for me and I just started crying and I couldn't stop (yes, I actually tried)! And He revealed to me that the past few days during the conference, He was revealing things and situations to me but at that moment, He wanted to reveal Himself to me. 

Check out Planetshakers Awakening 2014!

Planetshakers City Church

When we first arrived in Melbourne, we were so excited to hear that Hillsong was starting a church right in the city!! But since it didn't start until November 2012, we thought we should just check out Planetshakers City Church since my brother-in-love who was visiting us at that time highly recommended it. 

To be honest, I wasn't familiar with Planetshakers at all. Up till then, I had only heard some of their worship songs but I did not know the pastors or the denomination of the church (for lack of a better phrase... I really mean what the church believes in and preaches about). 

I was quite skeptical going in and the first time I was literally bombarded by their praise & worship. These guys rocked harder than some real "hard rockers". Haha!! Was totally not used to it since the worship at New Creation Church is a lot tamer by comparison (by that I mean normal). 

We went for a couple of weeks and in one of those Sundays, Pastor Sam Evans came out to preach an amazingly anointed and powerful message called "Get out of my house". I was so blown away that I still remember the message today. Because I've never heard of her or Pastor Russell Evans, I was completely unprepared for the sense of power they are releasing over their church. It was completely and utterly mesmerizing. 

When Hillsong Melbourne started sometime in Nov/Dec 2012, we attended the church for a couple of weeks but felt that it was not what we were looking for. Now, it's very difficult to explain this because it implies one is better than the other. It's not. It's just that different churches play different roles in the body of Christ. Just like every individual play a different role in the church. In any case, the important thing was my husband first spoke about being led to go back and plant ourselves in Planetshakers City Church and I agreed wholeheartedly. 

Now, let me try to explain why we decided to be a part of Planetshakers. We were so well established in the gospel of grace by Pastor Prince, it was easy for us to recognize that the same message was being preached at Planetshakers. However, there is also another dimension which is being revealed to us: the power of living by the Holy Spirit. This is a whole new level which we are very keen to explore. Having been in the church for close to 4 months now, I've learnt to communicate with the Holy Spirit and this just overwhelms me because..... the Holy Spirit..... He speaks to me!! He answers my questions!! He reveals things to me!! So I've started reading this book by Pastor David Yonggi Cho:

If you are looking to be part of a church in Melbourne, I highly encourage you to check out both churches and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you which church is most suitable for you. 

Matthew West: Into the Light

Been listening to Matthew West's new album for like the past 3 weeks and it's so incredibly anointed! Love his music and love his lyrics!!

This is the song that caught my attention while listening to LightFM:

So glad my sister bought the album cos the entire album is soooo good!!

And one day while I was listening to the album on the computer, this video popped up! Oh man, it just made me cry :( but it's such a crazy inspiring story of forgiveness... MUST WATCH!!

I'm such a huge fan of Matthew West!!

My Journey into Motherhood: Update on the costs of tests

So here's the breakdown of the total amount I spent after Medicare refunds.

1st Consultation: A$185 - A$72.75 = A$112.25

PAP Smear: A$35 (not covered by Medicare cos it's a more thorough check called Thinprep) 

Ultrasound: A$250 - A$83.30 = A$166.70

Follow up Consultation: A$85 - A$36.55 = A$48.45

Blood test: Bulk Billed (FREE)

Sperm test: Bulk Billed (FREE)

Total Paid for checks & consultation = A$362.40

So considering that in Singapore, the sperm test cost S$60 and each ultrasound at S$150 with normal follow up consultation costing S$60, it doesn't really seem like the Aussie system is any cheaper!!

However, I do think that the doctors I went to for the consultation as well as the ultrasound were very professional and thorough. They really tried to explain what is going on and what they are looking for in each check. 

Praise God that all my tests came back normal with the exception of my iron levels being a little low. I've been taking iron pills for about 3 weeks now so I'm feeling more energized. I'd probably stop once my supply runs out in a week and then go for another test to see if my iron levels have come up to normal since. I've also been trying to increase my intake of beef & spinach! 

At the follow up consultation, my gynae advised that I go through a laparoscopy to check for endometrosis or scar tissue, if any. I was really hesitant to undergo a surgery to check for something which may not even be there. So I went back to my GP to ask for a referral to another gynae for a 2nd opinion but his advice to me was that it is a common procedure and it is likely that the next doctor would also recommend the same procedure as the next step. And I would have unnecessarily paid for another consultation! 

The out of pocket expense (after Medicare refunds) will be around A$1100. So I'm pending my private health insurance company to get back to me as to whether they will be covering the A$1100 since it is a day surgery. But even if it's not covered, I've sort of decided to go ahead with it. Especially since my private health insurance only covers IVF procedures from November onwards so I still have a good 8 months to go before I go on to the next step. 

Of course I still believe that Jesus will come through and my babies are on their way!! I was meditating on this verse this morning:

Be strong and of good courage; 

do not fear nor be afraid of them, 

for the Lord your God, 

He is the One who goes with you, 

and He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

My Journey into Motherhood: 1st consultation with Aussie Gynaecologist

Just went for my very first appointment with a gynaecologist recommended by my friend. This gynae is an Aussie Asian and he's very different from my Singaporean gynae. He is totally cool and calm and talked a lot about Asian food (probably cos I'm new to Melbourne and he's worried that I don't know all the good restaurants here). He offers his advice and opinion in a straightforward and non-judgemental manner which is what I prefer.

Things work so differently here in Australia! To see him, I had to go and see a GP at my neighbourhood clinic to get a referral letter. The good thing is, with a Medicare card, my visit to the GP was free!

However, the consultation with the gynae was A$185 (paid upfront by cash/eftpos/cheque) and after that I went to Medicare to claim back A$72.75 which will be credited to my bank account in a few days. So I paid $112.25 out of pocket expense for the consultation.

Now compare this to my Singaporen gynae's consultation fee of S$65, it seems quite atrocious to be charged DOUBLE here in Australia. However, that's balanced by the fact that some of the tests (see below) are FREE so in the end, I would have paid more if in Singapore.

My Aussie gynae was mildly surprised that I've not been given a blood test (although from what he told me about why a blood test was so important, I was utterly shocked not to have been given one!) nor a PAP smear in the time I went to see my Singaporean gynae. So he immediately ordered for those as well as an ultrasound at another clinic. The doctor told me that the PAP smear costs about A$35 but it wasn't included in the bill when I paid so maybe I have to pay for it when the results come in. The blood test was indicated as "bulk billed" so I don't have to pay for that!

When I made my appointment for the ultrasound, I was informed that I'll have to pay A$250 upfront but can claim a part of it from Medicare. Will update how much out of pocket expense for the ultrasound.

I've a follow up appointment with my gynae at the end of this month, by then all the test results should be in, so hopefully he can make some recommendations! Even more than that, I hope that I'll be pregnant by then!!!

My hope is in my Lord Jesus!